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Like most diseases, the road to recovery for addiction and alcoholism is not always a straight one. Since I first came into recovery sixteen years ago I have suffered many relapses all quite devastating to me and those who love me. And yet, there have been some very helpful reminders I’ve picked up along the way which have sustained me and helped me pick up the pieces and get back into the game of life. I’d like to share these with you in this article.

For anyone who is or has known an addict in the problem it has most certainly been made apparent that a life based on self will run riot, obsession and compulsion, insanity, desperation and devastation, (to name a few of its characteristics) can hardly be a success. A using addict goes to any means and any lengths to get one more, to get that next fix that will cure all.

Can you picture ite You’re on vacation in Fiji with the one you love, there’s a beautiful sunset, you’re on the beach, there’s a sailboat lazily coasting by in the distance, the seagulls are singing their moonlight song, and you suddenly realize that you have arrived. It’s the perfect moment. Not a care in the world. Total serenity. Sound spirituale Is spirituality the absence of worry or stresse To some degree I think spirituality does conjure up these sorts of images but spirituality exists within real life and not mere fantasy.

As told to Eileen DeClemente by her daughter Sara:

I don’t feel that there is any right or wrong way to cope with parents who are alcoholics and drug addicts but I have found that people cope differently according to their needs and personalities. From the time that I was a child my coping mechanism was to be around all the time to take care of my mother and if I wasn’t there than she was not going to be all right.

Does a girl in her school years from the ages of 14-18 really start to look at her future and what kind of decisions she need to make to be sure she becomes someonee What is a someonee What do we have to do to become a someonee I literally did not have an idea nor did I care but I always felt like less than a person because I never thought about those things as important. I watched every year go by, freshman grade through to a senior, as my grades in school got worse my priorities got less but most importantly, myself respect was going downhill fast.

I never made any important or conscious decisions about my life. I had no passion for life or what life had to offer. I had no sincere passion or real interest in anything. Twenty five years of my life wasted not feeling or trying or even thinking about life outside of me. I look at my daughters who were nine and seven when I hit bottom and got sober. There were years of healing which involved counseling, meetings and hurtful confrontation, all of the things I had avoided my whole life. We fought like hell to learn to respect love and most importantly to forgive but I was in the center that I had broken us and now I was trying to put us back together. Out of that there has come so much love for each person and feeling was difficult to show for anyone. It would have been very easy for my girls to stay angry with me and the world and to just make choices in life to make them feel better.

I had not experienced the feelings of uselessness, hopelessness and waking up in the morning not wanting to get out of bed because I felt worthless to anyone in my life especially my family. Many mornings and nights I wished I would die but didn’t have the guts to take my own life in twenty years.

When I decided to write a book sharing my life with the rest of the world I really didn\’t know what extreme this decision would take me in. I have been experiencing more emotional changes than I would imagine.

My story would start out to be about my addiction to alcohol and drugs from the age of eleven to the age of thirty five. During that time period I grew from a child to an adult. I got married at twenty two years old and four years later I had two daughters. They were the victims in this story when I first started writing but it didn\’t take me long to realize they weren\’t the only victims.